Let's try some Dear Blank, Please Blank. . letters

Examples:

Dear clothing stores,

Wouldn't it make sense to put the short jeans on a lower shelf?

Sincerely, a very short customer.

Dear car,

Please heat the interior BEFORE I reach my destination.

Sincerely, frozen driver.

Dear sleeping pill commercial,

Please explain why one of your side affects is drowsiness.

Sincerely, isn't that the point of a sleeping pill?

Dear guy who constantly texts me,

You should probably take a hint.

Sincerely, girl who never texts back.

Dear bus driver,

What ever happened to "no child left behind"?

Sincerely, the kid you left behind.

Dear chapstick,

Please stop running away before I can finish you.

Sincerely, where are you hiding this time?!

Dear rug,

I love the way you lie.

Sincerely, floor.

Dear Willy Wonka,

How do you stay so skinny?

Sincerely, Augustus Gloop.

Dear Barney,

You're really messing with our image.

Sincerely, dinosaurs.

Dear Slushie,

It hurts so good!

Sincerely, brain frozen consumer.

Dear mom,

I magically lose my hunger when you tell me to get it myself.

Sincerely, I don't want to get up.

Dear little girls,

We would appreciate it if you left our hair the way it came.

Sincerely, Barbies of the world.