Gorge your eyes on best of the worst
By Ann Cannon
Published: Monday, Oct. 29, 2007 12:22
a.m. MST
* Even more of ... 'The Best of the Worst'
I'm overwhelmed. You guys sent me
nearly 500 sentences this year! Way to go! I love you! So here it is, kids —The
Best of the Worst (your Official 2007 Edition)!
Dark and stormy night
It was a dark and stormy night, but
Alicia was learning to her great distress that it's going to be that way when
you spend the winter in Anchorage and forget to pay your power bill. — Pam
Williams
Science Fiction
The spaceship descended slowly,
looking like a giant submarine sandwich — except it was made of metal, not
bread, and was actually more circular and not so much oblong, and most
importantly, the green things inside were sentient alien beings capable of
interstellar travel, instead of pickles. — Mike Middleton
Horror
When the young count was suspended
from school yet again for biting, Nosferatu's parents began to suspect there
was something different about their boy. — Sean Johnson
Talking Unicorn
Her eyes were numinous, her voice
mellifluous, her thighs voluminous, and her demeanor opprobrious — indeed, she
was the best bouncer the Talking Unicorn had ever had. — David Alvin Edwards
Romance
John first saw the next "love of
his life" when he exited the whole foods grocery store and knocked the
overly ripe melons she was returning from her large shapely hands — showering
both of them with sweet warm fruit. — MacKay Jones
Romance Gone Really Wrong
She stood mesmerized as the figure
emerged from the shadow and she could clearly see a tall, manly form,
glistening black hair, penetrating dark eyes, a half-smile on soft, kissable
lips, brawny shoulders narrowing toward a slim waist, and the firm muscled legs
ending in cloven feet. — Nora Sampson
Words to Live By
When we are most concerned about
others, we'll forget ourselves as if we were a rotting sack of potatoes thrown
out with the trash. — Erin Hallmark
Power of Positive Thinking
Looking back at the past year — the
kidnapping, the landslide, the dog attack, the tree falling on her car, along
with her brother's inexplicable habit of showing up at every family party with
a different girlfriend — Kim decided that it hadn't been so bad after all and
wondered what on earth could happen next as she peered out the airplane door,
waiting for the instructor to tell her when to jump. — Natalie Carbone
Sweepstakes Winner
If ever there were two people who
desperately wanted to kiss each other at this exact moment, they were Jim and Betty,
but since, at this exact moment, Betty was chained in the dungeon of a
backwater prison in Argentina, and since Jim was currently plummeting toward
the ground in Montana after a freak hang-glider failure, it wasn't very likely
to happen. — David Goddard
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